Hmm. Well, it’s been a long-ass time since I last wrote an entry. You know why? Because I didn’t have a particular rhyme or reason to write here, in blog format. As opposed to writing a novel or a film or in my journal.
You know what’s funny? I never thought of myself as a writer. I always dreaded writing assignments in school. But my mother is a writer. My brother is a writer. My rabbi sister writes two sermons every single week. I only started writing out of frustration - because no one was casting me in roles I wanted (OK, let’s be real - they weren’t casting me at all.) But I journal-write like I breathe. And these blog entries pour out from my heart. So maybe I’m a writer after all.
And I now have a reason to come to this blog. To write here:
So I can share my vulnerability with you. My authenticity. My…me.
A lot has changed since I declared 2017 the Year of My Artist. It has been almost two years since that day. Today, I make a living as an audiobook narrator. I finished my first feature film (I co-wrote/produced/co-starred…you can check it out here: https://www.amandasarahfilm.com/three-roads/) I made a new short that I’m really freakin’ happy about. I started writing a novel.
And along the way, I’ve been feeling insecure as all get-out. And learning a ton of lessons.
And I’ve questioned what I’m doing and why. “Ok…I get that I need to create because it pours out of me and it’s my passion…but…like…what’s my contribution to making the world a better place?”
I’ve got two working theories. They are not mutually exclusive.
1) CREATING makes the world a better place. Full stop. It’s something real special us humans do. (One of my favorite explorations of this? Stephen Schwartz’s The Spark of Creation, in which Eve - of Adam and Eve - sings about exactly this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lru04HjvD-Y) I could buy creation matters, but I had a hard time imagining mine did. BS. All of ours matters.
2) I’m pretty good at sharing the messy, vulnerable, uncomfortable places inside myself. And I’m always moved and inspired when other people do so. So maybe I’m meant to share some of the messy, vulnerable, uncomfortable feelings I have around creating and my career? Maybe someone who thinks they can’t create will read something I write and then realize they really CAN (we ALL can)! Or maybe someone who desires a career as an artist will realize they can make one. Or maybe someone who has a career as an artist but feels insecure or vulnerable will know they’re not alone.
When I feel vulnerable about sharing something, that’ll be the compass letting me know: “Yes! That direction! Head that way! Write it here!”
I wonder if anyone else will discover anything from this experiment. I wonder what I’ll discover here.