I used to frustrate the hell out of myself as an actress. Pretty much every time I worked, I hated myself. I'd try harder and harder, and still I wouldn't come near to my own standards. I'd watch my classmates do fantastic work, I'd watch beautiful work on TV and in film, and I'd convince myself I'd never have enough talent, skill, or perseverance for my dream. One day, after I worked in class, my teacher looked me straight in the eye and told me, "Sarah, your problem is not that you don't work hard enough."
My problem was not that I didn't work hard enough? WTF did that mean? And if that was the case, then what was my problem?
Well, it finally dawned on me: My problem was that I wasn't letting go.
Ever since then, I've been opening little by little. It's been about three years now. I journal, I meditate, I talk things through.
Last night, I had an epiphany: I've made a lot of progress...and I'm still holding on tightly to the last 10%. Of EVERYTHING.
The last 10% before I'm a pro-level singer. The last 10% before I release ego when I'm acting. The last 10% before I book my first TV job. I've been holding on to the last 10% of writing this blog - I want to reach out to other actors, so I've been writing, and sort of putting myself out there...but not fully.
These are metaphorical examples, but what really blew my mind is that I've been manifesting this literally, too. I'm holding on to the last 10 lbs I want to lose (I'm short, so that's about 10% on me...). I have a goal of earning a certain amount per week in my thrival job. Guess how much I've been earning? ALMOST EXACTLY 10 % LESS THAN MY GOAL!
I believe I do this out of fear. If I hold on to the last 10%, I won't find out what'll really, truly happen if I let go. Sure, I won't fly, and live my wildest dreams, but I also won't be crushed, either. I can tell myself, "Well, when I finally do XYZ, then it'll really happen!" And I can stay in fantasy-land forever.
But I don't want to stay in fantasy-land. I'm ready to begin.
What about you? Are you holding on to a last 10%? How might you let it go?